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Tarp Roller's philosophy of life

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HUGE Wave Tarp Roller’s size 13 worn leather boot pushed on the door of the treatment center.  His leg swung out, propping open the door like a pine tree.  His face was obscured by a stack of t-shirts and books with his nose poking out from his Pono cap (1).  Sunglasses shielded the glare on the eye he’d lost in a knife attack years ago.  At six foot five he had to dip his head through the door.  The quarter back of the Cardinals championship 73’ team had tackled his childhood emotional Trauma. His self esteem was dented but beginning to push in a new direction.  His comeback was underway. No more dwelling on a childhood growing up mostly naked in a swamp in Louisiana as somehow not  good enough.  He began to understand we are all the same, just many shades of the same cloth. He found a way inside himself, picking apart the gordian knot twisted around his being, held together with karmic cycles of intergenerational trauma. The light of knowing was all the knife he needed to cut the kno

What happened today looking at the clouds: Today the clouds stood still because the raygun was broken.

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My phone rang as I was about to leave for my last treatment. The radiation therapist said the machine was broken, but they had a team of engineers coming in over the weekend to fix it. I told myself, ya gotta roll with it. Now I had a three day weekend to heal and rest before my last treatment. I knew I could use the time. Beanie cap sweat pants guy caught me yesterday as I was putting my shoes on.  He was leaving as I was arriving. He admired my socks. I don’t know how many years I’ve worn Thorlos. Probably since my early running days in the late 70’s back when I was a hash house harrier. I got hooked on them because of their thick absorbent weave, and when you love you love em.’  In thousands of miles, I’ve never gotten a blister. I told beanie cap sweat pants guy they’re one of the most important things you can have crossing the finish line of a marathon. Turns out beanie cap sweat pants guy was a technical mountain climber and had gotten hooked that way. He rattled off an impressiv

What happened today looking at the clouds. The clouds are crispy around the edges today.

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The radiation diaries day 23 There is no destination, no end to the journey. When I’m think I might be done, I’m back at the start, trying to remember what I forgot. The most precisely planned life follows the same path as the least precise.  They start and end at the same place. My path is not unique nor precise. I wander, observe and wonder, and do my best not to judge, but as a human that part’s not easy. I’ve gained confidence with my walking if nothing else during the time of my treatments. Long hallways, inclines, negotiating to and from the car with my stick has built up my confidence. Lying still on the table while the ray gun does its thing is the easy part.   I’m slow with my walking but I no longer think about falling. That’s kind of a big deal after the events of the last two years. While relearning to walk after the new hip, I am always aware of how far it is from standing to being flat on the floor. Everything has to be precisely aligned for each treatment of laser guided

Today Ithere were no clouds but there was radiation

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The radiation diaries, stories of life, love, consciousness, and human connection  Radiation day 6 As I walked into the radiation appointment I pulled up my mask. The breath going out between the mask and my face, tickled my nose. I had to reach under the mask to scratch. When I did, it looked like I was trying to do who knows what to my nose. I looked up to watch where I was going and realized I was the entertainment for the people in the waiting room watching puppies play on TV. I’m settling into the treatments knowing this isn’t entirely about me and I’m not in it alone. This bump on my path has brought me a deeper level of appreciation and gratitude for everyone around me in my life. I couldn’t do it without everyone’s help, especially my wife. 2021 started with a fall , a broken hip, and hip replacement surgery. Then Catching Covid , and Months of physical therapy relearning how to walk again. All compounded by challenges provided by Primary MS.  MS had been my greatest teacher… u